why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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