i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
