thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
