So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i think my mom watched the whole time
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize