a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
