goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
