Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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