I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
