Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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