Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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