Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
