Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize