Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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