My girlfriend figured out who you are.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
