he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
