My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize