8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
