I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
did i walk over a car last night?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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