I never want to see another naked old woman again.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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