omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
