did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
