Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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