if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
