Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
