There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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