Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
