just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
