I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
