I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
