Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
