SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
