I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
MIDGETS
????
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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