I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
