bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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