Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
