how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
