Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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