i was born a porn star she said
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
