The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
