she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
