You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
