She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
