i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
