She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
