Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
