Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
