So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
