and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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