it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm passing your future prison.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
