I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
