From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
