All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Sorry my hands just texted you
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
