Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
