This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
