there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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